Two weeks ago, Google discovered what every other sentient being not blinded by the patchouli fumes of rampant hippiedom already knew: China is run by a bunch of murderous tyrants who aren’t nearly as interested in opening up their country as they are in keeping a couple of billion people under their decrepit thumbs. After the shock wore off, the Google-teers responded by briskly scolding those mean old deceivers and threatening to take their custom-made search engine and go home. You might remember that Sergey Brin, Googler-in-Chief, rationalized his decision by saying that everyone censors, so they might as well get a cut of the action, or some similar nonsense. That gave him all the reason he needed to hand the Chinese a bespoke tool for tracking and rounding up dissidents and keeping the average Chinese person from learning very much as all about the free world outside The Great Firewall.
Well, today, the Chinese offered their response to Google’s threat, which can pretty much be summed up with a childhood taunt that involves eating and a flavor straw. I hope that Mr. Brin recovers from his shock soon and get around to using his estimable internet powers fo help the Chinese people now that his newest cash cow is locked behind a pair of iron Beijing doors.