It’s Only Scary if the Caterpillar is Shai Hulud

So the President has released a bunch of formerly-classified memos from the Bush administration dealing with so-called torture. The MSM and the left are treating the memos as if they were pages ripped from Torquemada’s own diary, but you have to wonder just how horrible the alleged torture is when this earns a screamer headline from Time Magazine.

The Bush Administration approved the use of “insects placed in a confinement box” during the interrogation of top Al Qaeda official Abu Zubaydah, according to a 2002 document that President Obama declassified for release Thursday.

Bugs, folks. Insects.

Now, I don’t like bugs at all. The notion of having a bunch of cockroaches or cave spiders crawling over me all night long would give me the screaming willies in relatively short order. But let’s be serious here. Dumping a few creepy crawlies into a detainees cell isn’t torture.

It sure as heck isn’t torture when it’s just one bug.

The Bybee memorandum, which was written on August 1, 2002, described the CIA’s plans for using insects this way:

“You [the CIA] would like to place Zubaydah in a cramped confinement box with an insect. You have informed us [the Department of Justice] that he appears to have a fear of insects. In particular, you would like to tell Zubaydah that you intend to place a stinging insect into the box with him. You would, however, place a harmless insect in the box. You have orally informed us that you would in fact place a harmless insect such as a catapiller [sic] in the box with him.”

In other words, the interrogator would tell the detainee that he’s sticking a scorpion into the box but instead he’d stick a caterpillar in there.

This, apparently, would unhinge the detainee who was too stupid to know three basic facts about stinging incests: 1) they can be squashed really easily, 2) they don’t generally sting unless they are provoked, and 3) insect stings aren’t excruciating (especially if you’re a guy whose seen or participated in a couple rusty-knife decapitations).

For the rest of the detainees, this technique is only going to work is if we’re transporting them to Arrakis for detention, where the worms are a bit more aggressive.

Here is a much more serious treatment of the release of the memos. The upshot? It’s pretty idiotic to let your enemy know exactly what they should train their people to handle.

UPDATE: Wait, he’s not Hitler? There weren’t any laws broken? But…but…I was assured there’d be Nuremburg trials!

UPDATE 2: Settle down, Mr. Riehl. Sully might approve of gay marriage but he’s strictly against insectuous relationships!

Linked also by Michelle Malkin in her rocking sidebar.

Tags: Abu Zubaydah, CIA, Fighting the Islamists, President Barack Obama