Katrina, Katrina, Katrina!

I don’t have much to say about the Washington Post’s lead editorial (and what seems like the ten-thousandth in the last six months) about Hurricane Katrina and the failure of the President to adequately make sure that the framijamitzes were confabulated so the people of New Orleans were……zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……

Oh! Sorry! Fell asleep there. Because, you know, this grudge-holding the MSM has been doing against President Bush since he was a candidate is GETTING REALLY BORING!! Seriously. I expect to see some sort of BREAKING NEWS tomorrow that in the THIRD GRADE, George W. Bush pulled the ponytails of two of his classmates…his FEMALE CLASSMATES which means that he is an ABUSER and a SEXUAL DEVIANT and a NANCYBOY who could only pick on GIRLS because the BOYS used to give him GINORMOUS NUCULAR WEDGIES (which is why he always mispronounced “nuclear”…too busy de-wedgifying himself) because he was a RICH MASSACHOOOOSETTS BOY.

But that’s next week’s news. Today’s news is actually news from six months ago that’s been reheated and served to you thin gruel-style. It’s still tasty, though. Ask the Washington Post!

Okay, so the editorial. It’s junk. That’s just the way it is. I’d pretty much like to rewrite it, starting with the last sentence, which I’d make the first sentence. Let’s see how that would turn out.

The Gulf Coast might have suffered less had the president just asked a few people the right questions.

And what might some of those questions have been? I can think of a few that I would have wanted him to ask, using the awesome powers of hindsight? What? No fair using hindsight? Heck, if the MSM can do it, so can he.

1) Governor, are you very extra sure that you’re doing your job right, because if I read one more stinking editorial about how my magic powers failed American by not making you DO YOUR STINKING JOB I’m going to send you on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney, capishe?

2) Mr. Mayor, where are your buses right now? No, really, go check. If they’re not on high ground, I strongly suggest that you get people to move them. Now. I realize that this ought to be a self-evident thing, but recent events have taught me that I can’t assume that the Mayor of one of America’s largest and most popular cities is going to be competent enough to make sure that his buses don’t get flooded.

3) Mr. FEMA Director, whoever the heck you are? When it comes time for the press conference, there’s one thing you definitely need to do. This is important, so listen up. If our military is running the largest and fastest-responding relief effort in the history of American disaster relief you need to make sure that you TELL EVERYONE! Don’t sit on your hands and say how sorry you are. Stick out your chin and tell the reporters that your agency is doing something that’s never been done before int he history of the country and if they don’t like how it’s being done, they’re welcome to pick up a sandbag or grab a box of sandwiches and help out instead of playing Sally Struthers.

4) Oh, and Ms. Governor? The next time I ask you about whether there’s been a levee breach or not, I don’t want to hear that you’ve gotten an unconfirmed report. You control the assets of an entire state. I want you to get one person, put him in one helicopter and tell him to fly to where the report came from and CHECK IT OUT PERSONALLY! Tell him to take a digital camera and photo the scene so that we can all see what he saw. It’s the 21st Century. We have amazing technology and you might want to acquaint yourself with it.

5) And one last thing, Governor. When you’re holding a press conference, I don’t care what you have to do, just DON’T CRY. People want to see that you care about them and that you’re struck by their plight. They don’t want to see that you’re so overwhelmed by television cameras that you can’t finish a sentence. They need you to lead. If you break down in front of them, how in the name of God can they expect you to handle the pressure of running an entire relief operation?

6) Mr. Mayor. When the Governor calls that press conference, stay the hell away from it. In fact, never appear in front of a journalist again. Ever.

So those are the questions I would have wanted to the President to ask. I think if he had, we would have had much better results this time. Maybe he should keep them around for the next hurricane.

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Category: Oh, THAT liberal media., President George Bush, The Good Old US of A