Americans? Nah, we’re Journalists!

This isn’t politics. This is the kind of thing that’s so completely mind-boggling, that spending much time thinking about could cause significant parts of your brain to implode and steam shoot out of your ears like Yosemite Sam right before he starts yelling “OOoo! Dagnabbit!”.

Here’s the setup. The Pentagon is putting on a “Freedom Walk” – an event to help remember the Pentagon victims of 9/11. The Washington Post was one of the sponsors of the event.

I say “was” because it’s not anymore. It’s not because it was afraid that a Pentagon event commemorating the dead of 9/11 might become – and here’s where you’ll need to make sure you’re sitting down and have taken your blood pressure medication so as to make sure your heart is not unduly shocked – could become a political event.

Holy Crapweasel. You mean that an event in support of our troops, organized under the auspices of the Pentagon, that approvingly recalls the memories of those people slaughtered by terrorists at the Pentagon and thereby helping people to remember that we are, in fact, right in the middle of a war against the people who killed those innocents and those who back them up, might become – maybe just a teensy eensy beensy bit – political?

Well, knock me over with a feather. Hell, knock me over with the whole stinking chicken. Who could have possibly known that?

Well, how about these guys?

Critics of the war in Iraq gathering for demonstrations in Washington beginning on September 24 also had criticized media outlets for co-sponsoring the Pentagon event. The Washington Post was one of several local media organizations that had signed on to promote the walk.

So you mean it was already a political event even before it was an actual event?

Well duh. See, I don’t think the Post quite understands the whole concept of fighting a war. War is a political event. Supporting a war is a political event. Protesting a war is a political event.

Being a news organizations full of dunderheads is a political event.

But, see, that’s not even the best part. It wasn’t the possible (as if they weren’t quite sure it would be a political event, protestors already online notwithstanding) politics of the event, but the potential stain that participating in such a political event would make on their objectivity.

“As it appears that this event could become politicized, The Post has decided to honor the Washington-area victims of 9/11 by making a contribution directly to the Pentagon Memorial Fund,” Eric Grant, a Post spokesman, said in the newspaper’s Tuesday edition. “It is The Post’s practice to avoid activities that might lead readers to question the objectivity of The Post’s news coverage.”

Hang on a moment, folks. That last sentence actually made me throw up a little in my mouth.

If the Post wants to avoid activities that “lead readers to question” its objectivity, I have a far better suggestion.

Stop printing news stories. Forever.

That way your objectivity will never be questioned. By anyone. Ever.

Ninnies. Cowards. Soggy milquetoasts.

Look, guys who run the Post, let me lay it out for you. You are all Americans, regardless of what else you may do. If tomorrow you lose the ability to be reporters and saturate the barista job market tomorrow, you will still be Americans. You may not like that we’re fighting a war in Iraq – in fact, you don’t. Your newspaper is a daily reminder that you don’t like it. Yeah, I just questioned your objectivity. What are you gonna do about it, not sponsor something else? Chickens. I have three words for you:

Grow. A. Spine.

Sponsor the Freedom Walk and let the country know that, despite your differences with the Administration, you stand foursquare behind the families of those who were murdered at the Pentagon and those who are now being shot at in our stead. Remind America that you don’t have to love the President in order to get behind the notion that most of the country voted for him and hey, how about that Democracy thing, isn’t it just the best? Let the country know that you fondly remember our civilian and military dead, because of all the things you may be, you are human beings first.

Or would you rather just pay attention to the dead who are being exploited by a crazed mother and the vampires feeding off her pain?

Figure it out Post then tell us how it’s going to be.

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Category: Oh, THAT liberal media.